Anticipating delivery

Today I will receive the final delivery of the tree monsters.

Is it perfect?

Hell no.

I can already see where the writing could be stronger. I can see where the illustrations could be better. I can see all the places where experience, money, time, skill, and a calmer process might have changed things.

But this is where I am.

This book has taught me more than I expected — not just about writing and publishing, but about trust, disappointment, boundaries, collaboration, and letting go. Working with the freelancer has been more painful than I hoped. I wanted help. I wanted support. I wanted the process to feel lighter. Instead, at times, it has felt like another pressure sitting on my chest.

And still, the book has moved forward.

Today I will accept the final delivery and release the payment so I can move on. Not because everything is perfect. Not because I am completely satisfied. But because I need to close this chapter and stop bleeding energy into it.

Yesterday I signed up to KDP.

That felt like a doorway.

For the next book, I will try to do more myself. I will learn the layout. I will understand the files. I will save some of the overhead costs. I will keep more control in my own hands.

Will the next one be perfect?

I doubt it.

But it will be mine. And I will learn. And I will keep trying.

Maybe this first book is not the flawless masterpiece I imagined. Maybe it is the brave first child — the one that teaches the mother how to become a mother.

Mr Puff and Ruby Queen have carried me through frustration, hope, mistakes, late nights, disappointment, and determination. They are still here. The story is still here. And I am still here.

Today is not about perfection.

Today is about completion.

Today I release what I can no longer fix, gather what I have learned, and take the next step as an author.