Freddie Mercury and Queen’s Don’t Stop Me Now has been playing in my head today.

Another synchronicity?

It is Mercury retrograde, I am writing about Ruby Queen, and somehow that song seems to sum up the whole mood of this creative chapter. Things are moving. Ideas are arriving. The world is unfolding faster than I expected.

I received the proof book from Amazon KDP and made a slight tweak to the first and last pages. Then, as often happens, one random little idea floated into my mind — a remembering activity. Suddenly the book lifted itself from being just a cute read into something a little more interactive.

Perhaps, also, a little annoying.

As the mother of my granddaughter pointed out, this could very well be discovered at bedtime, after a long day, by a tired mother who was hoping for a peaceful winding down rather than a child suddenly wanting to search, point, remember and participate.

Too bad.

It’s in there now.

I can’t help thinking of Uranus and its influence in my life — the technology, the inspiration, the sudden out-of-the-box ideas that keep popping into my head like little lightning strikes.

When I look at my astrology chart against this revolutionary point in time, it feels as though a new revised edition of Jenny is being published.

Not just a website.

A version of me.

All my imagination, experience, frustration, spiritual knowledge, creativity, practical lessons and strange little ideas are rolling themselves into something new.

Creative writing.

Who would have thunk?

I used Chat, but I didn’t feel like the usual banter I have enjoyed up to this point. I didn’t feel playful. I didn’t feel bright. I didn’t feel like myself.

I felt dead inside.

The freelancer experience had made me crumble. It took the shine off a moment I had imagined would feel exciting and magical. I thought I would be celebrating the final steps of my first book. Instead, I was repairing mistakes, holding back disappointment, and trying to find the energy to keep going.

But then something shifted

Two different versions.

How does that even happen at the final stage?

And the only reason I caught it was because I asked what I thought might be a stupid question. But it wasn’t stupid. It was the question that saved me from uploading the wrong files.

If this process has taught me anything, it is that I can no longer hand over my trust simply because someone calls themselves an expert.

Today I will accept the final delivery and release the payment so I can move on. Not because everything is perfect. Not because I am completely satisfied. But because I need to close this chapter and stop bleeding energy into it.

Yesterday I signed up to KDP.

That felt like a doorway.

For the next book, I will try to do more myself. I will learn the layout. I will understand the files. I will save some of the overhead costs. I will keep more control in my own hands.

Will the next one be perfect?

I doubt it.

I can feel my roots pressing against the edges of this life I’m in, needing more soil, more space, more light. I am tired of trying to grow from a place that feels too small for me now